This whole financial crisis is starting to scare me. I mean, we all knew events of the last 5 years were going to be textbook worthy; with the terrorism attacks, the most ignorant president in decades getting elected not once but twice, and of course the war. But now, we have a instability in our financial infrastructure that could quickly resemble the Great Depression of 1929. We are living history; history so important students will spend countless chapters on just a decade of time.
I never remember my parents having much to say about their period in time that interested me. It was always predominantly my grandmother. History, or more so the present, is filling itself with so many notable occurrences, that I don’t think I will be waiting till I’m old and in my rocking chair to be sharing it with my children.
*sigh*
In other news.
What a bitch move by McCain.
Postponing the debates to go back to Congress to “address the financial crisis”?
Now I know that I was just expressing my fears towards the situation, but I don’t think that postponing a debate, one that can aid in convincing the 1/5 of voters that are still undecided, will do much help. I believe this is a time for the VP’s to take a predominant role in representing their candidates. They are their running mates, they are the ones who understand their beliefs the most, particularly towards the bailout plan. Take your first leadership Governer Palin and represent your partners standing at congress.
In my mind, it’s more important then ever for them to show the American voters what direction they want to take our country and what they want to do about the economy.
It’s roughly 40 days until one of them takes office; we simply cannot put off the debates.
In my best opinion, McCain is pulling a stunt. Being behind in the polls can make a candidate do irrational things, but please don’t think we, Republicans and Democrats combined, haven’t noticed.
What else.
Beyond politics, I’m busy planning Sean and Tyson’s birthdays. I’d like to divulge some secrets via my blog but I think they may know the url now.
But if al works out, Sean’s Big Gay Birthday Bash, will have some marvelous little surprises :D
Tyson’s, well, it’s a month a way, so I have some time. But my creativity is definitely brewing.
Ok, I need to get back to my job. I’m overwhelmed in work.
Love you,
Shannon
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Update
Oh I feel the need to blog.
Yes I do WHO!
First. Although we’ve never met in person, I do read her blog (does that make me a stalker?).
Abbie….I must congratulate you. You and your husband have an amazing talent. That talent being your ability to make ADORABLE babies. Keep up the good work and congrats with your new little blessing!
Ok, let’s play catch up.
Let’s see.
I moved into a townhome about a month ago; responding to an ad I saw online. My roommate is a 30 year old lady who is never home and when she is home she lives on the lower half of the house. I get all the upstairs, utilities, and parking for just 350.00 a month. It’s a really great deal. Though I may be moving again here shortly as my friend Ale’ and I would really like to get our own little townhome.
I work two jobs, one with PSS World Medical in the morning, one on some nights and weekends at IHOP. In August, my aunt’s landlord became a little upset that I was staying so long at their house (even though they are buying it in two months…go figure) and I needed to move out. It was a good kick in the butt to force me to get a second job (if I still wanted to spend like the little shopper I am) and find a place. As much as it was really stressful, it was such a blessing in disguise. Up until about a month ago, I truly had not made any concrete friends. I was ‘dating’ someone at one point and made friends with his friends, but once I decided it wasn’t going to go anywhere in the long run, I was back at square one. I once asked him why it was so hard to make friends, and he explained to me that everyone in Utah has lived here their whole lives and have had the same friends since they were in diapers…I found out quickly it was hard to compete with friendships that lasted that long. Besides, I don’t belong to a ward or LDS church so that never helped.
So I’ve been socializing at coffee shops and clubs and what not, but lacking a girl to go out on the town with, or any one for that matter, to just relax and watch movies with.
Then IHOP comes in.
Since I was forced to move out and get a second job a month ago, I’ve made some AMAZING friends at IHOP. All of us get along great and 5 of us actually get together almost every weekend. Last weekend we hit some clubs and had a pizza&beer night. This weekend we are hitting all the haunted houses and all getting together to cook a huge feast to eat. I can’t even explain the stress and loneliness that has been removed from my shoulders since I met them.
I don’t really feel like a complete person when I’m not socializing, having fun and taking advantage of every moment in life. Things are getting much better in that Dept.
It’s not rare that we Beer n’ Board Games Night, go hit the downtown clubs (ah the power of a fake ID), Football parties, and this weekend we are hitting the circus.
I love them =]
I’m single. All in all I’ve been here eight months, and dated two people a total of 3 ½ months combined.
I got interested in someone shortly after I got here, but I think he was apprehensive of my, well, lets just say “spontaneous spirit”. He was a great guy; cute, tall, medical student, and lead singer of a band. He would have fun with me, but was always worried about the smallest things in life and would never just relax and let life take him where he needed to go. That started in midMarch and ended by end of April. About 2 months ago I started seeing a guy named Saxon. He was awesome too, but we were at complete and total different places in our lives. I felt like he was way more in love with me then I would ever be with him and I also couldn’t stand his parents. Family is often a deal breaker. He was just too opposite of me in a lot of ways. There are days when there is nothing I love more then sitting on a curb, sun on my backside, watching the people and cars go by. He, seemed to never just enjoy the smallest aspects of life, the moments where we don’t talk and just bask in our small blessings. On the other end, I often crave more then the norm, have a need to travel and meet new people, change my mind and directions on a whim and am very open-minded. He, well, was just “okay” with the norm. It sucked, because at one point I felt like maybe I could have the possibility of really liking him, but the heart is a crazy thing. So by Sept, I axed that one too. Neither of them was Mormon btw.
Hah. I’m such a maneater right?
Wait, I take that back…just a selective, picky girl.
I’m still friends with both of them, but I also depended on them both for friends so that was a hard loss.
I’m not exactly looking for anyone, just living. I mean if some gorgeous man asks me out, I won’t say no, but then again, most wouldn’t =D.
To spill the beans, I’m still dreadfully attached to someone in Oregon. I think about him a lot and maybe in all rights it’s not fair for me to date someone else.
Who knows.
What else to update on?
I’m coming home for a business trip here in about a week.
I will be back in January for the state contest. I’d like to come down sooner as I have accrued a free plane ticket, but I’m not sure when. Any ideas?
I think my friends Alejandra (Ale’), Tyson, and Sean and I may just drive in January as they are dying to see Oregon.
Welp, I gotta quit avoiding work. I think I’m going to take a break and run to Starbucks. Venti Light Peppermint White Mocha Frap….YUMMY
I think I’m going to start blogging again.
Maybe.
Shanny
Yes I do WHO!
First. Although we’ve never met in person, I do read her blog (does that make me a stalker?).
Abbie….I must congratulate you. You and your husband have an amazing talent. That talent being your ability to make ADORABLE babies. Keep up the good work and congrats with your new little blessing!
Ok, let’s play catch up.
Let’s see.
I moved into a townhome about a month ago; responding to an ad I saw online. My roommate is a 30 year old lady who is never home and when she is home she lives on the lower half of the house. I get all the upstairs, utilities, and parking for just 350.00 a month. It’s a really great deal. Though I may be moving again here shortly as my friend Ale’ and I would really like to get our own little townhome.
I work two jobs, one with PSS World Medical in the morning, one on some nights and weekends at IHOP. In August, my aunt’s landlord became a little upset that I was staying so long at their house (even though they are buying it in two months…go figure) and I needed to move out. It was a good kick in the butt to force me to get a second job (if I still wanted to spend like the little shopper I am) and find a place. As much as it was really stressful, it was such a blessing in disguise. Up until about a month ago, I truly had not made any concrete friends. I was ‘dating’ someone at one point and made friends with his friends, but once I decided it wasn’t going to go anywhere in the long run, I was back at square one. I once asked him why it was so hard to make friends, and he explained to me that everyone in Utah has lived here their whole lives and have had the same friends since they were in diapers…I found out quickly it was hard to compete with friendships that lasted that long. Besides, I don’t belong to a ward or LDS church so that never helped.
So I’ve been socializing at coffee shops and clubs and what not, but lacking a girl to go out on the town with, or any one for that matter, to just relax and watch movies with.
Then IHOP comes in.
Since I was forced to move out and get a second job a month ago, I’ve made some AMAZING friends at IHOP. All of us get along great and 5 of us actually get together almost every weekend. Last weekend we hit some clubs and had a pizza&beer night. This weekend we are hitting all the haunted houses and all getting together to cook a huge feast to eat. I can’t even explain the stress and loneliness that has been removed from my shoulders since I met them.
I don’t really feel like a complete person when I’m not socializing, having fun and taking advantage of every moment in life. Things are getting much better in that Dept.
It’s not rare that we Beer n’ Board Games Night, go hit the downtown clubs (ah the power of a fake ID), Football parties, and this weekend we are hitting the circus.
I love them =]
I’m single. All in all I’ve been here eight months, and dated two people a total of 3 ½ months combined.
I got interested in someone shortly after I got here, but I think he was apprehensive of my, well, lets just say “spontaneous spirit”. He was a great guy; cute, tall, medical student, and lead singer of a band. He would have fun with me, but was always worried about the smallest things in life and would never just relax and let life take him where he needed to go. That started in midMarch and ended by end of April. About 2 months ago I started seeing a guy named Saxon. He was awesome too, but we were at complete and total different places in our lives. I felt like he was way more in love with me then I would ever be with him and I also couldn’t stand his parents. Family is often a deal breaker. He was just too opposite of me in a lot of ways. There are days when there is nothing I love more then sitting on a curb, sun on my backside, watching the people and cars go by. He, seemed to never just enjoy the smallest aspects of life, the moments where we don’t talk and just bask in our small blessings. On the other end, I often crave more then the norm, have a need to travel and meet new people, change my mind and directions on a whim and am very open-minded. He, well, was just “okay” with the norm. It sucked, because at one point I felt like maybe I could have the possibility of really liking him, but the heart is a crazy thing. So by Sept, I axed that one too. Neither of them was Mormon btw.
Hah. I’m such a maneater right?
Wait, I take that back…just a selective, picky girl.
I’m still friends with both of them, but I also depended on them both for friends so that was a hard loss.
I’m not exactly looking for anyone, just living. I mean if some gorgeous man asks me out, I won’t say no, but then again, most wouldn’t =D.
To spill the beans, I’m still dreadfully attached to someone in Oregon. I think about him a lot and maybe in all rights it’s not fair for me to date someone else.
Who knows.
What else to update on?
I’m coming home for a business trip here in about a week.
I will be back in January for the state contest. I’d like to come down sooner as I have accrued a free plane ticket, but I’m not sure when. Any ideas?
I think my friends Alejandra (Ale’), Tyson, and Sean and I may just drive in January as they are dying to see Oregon.
Welp, I gotta quit avoiding work. I think I’m going to take a break and run to Starbucks. Venti Light Peppermint White Mocha Frap….YUMMY
I think I’m going to start blogging again.
Maybe.
Shanny
Monday, September 15, 2008
Married Life
My coworkers are talking right now, in a comical, laughing, but completely serious tone, about how much their husbands don’t do anything any more.
How their husbands basically draw a line down the center of the bed, don’t kiss them on the lips anymore, and complain about how they sleep. How they argue about what they can watch on TV, sex is not just silly “at their age” but completely unwanted, and the compliments are nonexistent. That the children become the responsibility of just one parent, (and you can “guess who that is”) vacations are mandatory and a burden to plan and carryout, and that their jobs get in the way of spending quality time…but who cares right? Because we have nice things bought with nice money to fill up a nice…loveless home. Hmmmmm.
As much as they laugh it off, I couldn’t help but turn to my computer and blog about it.
As impossible as it may sound, I want my future husband to think I’m not only beautiful, but completely sexy, for the rest of our married life. I want him to be proud he married me and though it’s human nature to glance at some young fox walking by, be always thankful that he has me as his woman; that I am always “such a catch”. I don’t want to grow old next to my husband, I want to grow old with my husband, and laugh the whole way there. Yah, I’m stubborn, ornery, and sometimes overly outspoken. But I can only hope that during my moments of being unreasonable, my husband will stay mad for just a short while and not tire of my inevitable tendencies to be…well…female.
Time spent together will be cherished during our first years as married. I absolutely plan to honeymoon for at least a few years before I have children. Now I don’t mean jetting off to Cancun for an extended lovefest, but simply spending time loving, laughing, traveling and enjoying the married life with the man who will help me tackle children, mid-life crisis’, wrinkles, finances, and of course, the overbearing decision of what to make for dinner.
In return, I will be proud to keep myself up physically, and attempt to not lose myself mentally as I grow older =]. When things are rough, I will remember my role as his wife, and fulfill my duties as God created me to do them.
I will not laugh, allow our marriage to fall apart, and gossip with the other old bags at work who prefer new furniture and overtime then time spent with their husband and children.
I hope to never lose sight of the three most important words between him and I. “I love you”, to me, can never become an overused, underdefined, lifeless closing clause to any conversation. When said to my husband, it’s me saying: God created our souls to match. Part of his plan for us was to find each other and to carry out life together as a team…to lighten each others love through his most exceptional gift to us…love
My heart, as much as it feels offended by the conversation that pushed me to write this blog, goes out to the ladies who are surely hurting; who have lost such a precious gift that once existed between them and their significant other, their best friend, their husband.
It may seem silly for me to write about this, but I just can’t wait to find that other half of me someday; the person God created specifically for me and I for him. What a gift that person will be!
And to hear it being discussed as “not all it’s cracked up to be”…
Ugh.
How their husbands basically draw a line down the center of the bed, don’t kiss them on the lips anymore, and complain about how they sleep. How they argue about what they can watch on TV, sex is not just silly “at their age” but completely unwanted, and the compliments are nonexistent. That the children become the responsibility of just one parent, (and you can “guess who that is”) vacations are mandatory and a burden to plan and carryout, and that their jobs get in the way of spending quality time…but who cares right? Because we have nice things bought with nice money to fill up a nice…loveless home. Hmmmmm.
As much as they laugh it off, I couldn’t help but turn to my computer and blog about it.
As impossible as it may sound, I want my future husband to think I’m not only beautiful, but completely sexy, for the rest of our married life. I want him to be proud he married me and though it’s human nature to glance at some young fox walking by, be always thankful that he has me as his woman; that I am always “such a catch”. I don’t want to grow old next to my husband, I want to grow old with my husband, and laugh the whole way there. Yah, I’m stubborn, ornery, and sometimes overly outspoken. But I can only hope that during my moments of being unreasonable, my husband will stay mad for just a short while and not tire of my inevitable tendencies to be…well…female.
Time spent together will be cherished during our first years as married. I absolutely plan to honeymoon for at least a few years before I have children. Now I don’t mean jetting off to Cancun for an extended lovefest, but simply spending time loving, laughing, traveling and enjoying the married life with the man who will help me tackle children, mid-life crisis’, wrinkles, finances, and of course, the overbearing decision of what to make for dinner.
In return, I will be proud to keep myself up physically, and attempt to not lose myself mentally as I grow older =]. When things are rough, I will remember my role as his wife, and fulfill my duties as God created me to do them.
I will not laugh, allow our marriage to fall apart, and gossip with the other old bags at work who prefer new furniture and overtime then time spent with their husband and children.
I hope to never lose sight of the three most important words between him and I. “I love you”, to me, can never become an overused, underdefined, lifeless closing clause to any conversation. When said to my husband, it’s me saying: God created our souls to match. Part of his plan for us was to find each other and to carry out life together as a team…to lighten each others love through his most exceptional gift to us…love
My heart, as much as it feels offended by the conversation that pushed me to write this blog, goes out to the ladies who are surely hurting; who have lost such a precious gift that once existed between them and their significant other, their best friend, their husband.
It may seem silly for me to write about this, but I just can’t wait to find that other half of me someday; the person God created specifically for me and I for him. What a gift that person will be!
And to hear it being discussed as “not all it’s cracked up to be”…
Ugh.
Sunday, July 6, 2008
uh.
Blog! Just do it!
Yah, face it, I'm forcing words. But I'm making an attempt, and I want it to turn into the diligent blogging I used to obsess about. So here goes, it will be dull, it will be boring, but it WILL exist, and that's all that matters.
I feel this need to completely catch up my blog about what I've been up to, but it's been something like a month. With what time has passed I would end up typing a novel, and then it would be either not read or skimmed through. No bueno.
Let's see....
hmmmmm.
My fourth of July weekend was much better then last year. Though it's fairly easy to top being part of a firework misfire and being shot in the thigh with a mortar. I spent it with Saxon and met some of his friends. It was nice to spend it with someone I care about, and feel as if I had friends around me. Although they are NOT my friends, it still helped to curb the sting of missing my loves in Oregon. We went to a carnival, partied a bit, saw fireworks and slept. The fireworks show was a hit...specially when it caught a dry patch of land on fire.
It eventually turned into this:
Fun right?
All in all, hit a few parties this weekend, spent some time with Saxon and friends, and chilled.
I started planning my birthday bash, got absolutely NO cleaning done, and made some BOMB diggety pumpkin chocolate chip cookies.
After realizing how much I hated TV, I also went for a walk. A stroll in the neighborhood will never compete with the beach, but it was nice to have the warm breeze on my legs.
Work is good, I get a small bonus this week and I'm planing some fun activities for a big wig that comes in mid-week. I'm also kicking off a few "Go Green" initiatives in hopes to make my work more eco-friendly.
All in all, still homesick, still craving new friends, and still drowning in debt. But I'm alive, tan, and breathing, so I can't really complain.
Shan
Yah, face it, I'm forcing words. But I'm making an attempt, and I want it to turn into the diligent blogging I used to obsess about. So here goes, it will be dull, it will be boring, but it WILL exist, and that's all that matters.
I feel this need to completely catch up my blog about what I've been up to, but it's been something like a month. With what time has passed I would end up typing a novel, and then it would be either not read or skimmed through. No bueno.
Let's see....
hmmmmm.
My fourth of July weekend was much better then last year. Though it's fairly easy to top being part of a firework misfire and being shot in the thigh with a mortar. I spent it with Saxon and met some of his friends. It was nice to spend it with someone I care about, and feel as if I had friends around me. Although they are NOT my friends, it still helped to curb the sting of missing my loves in Oregon. We went to a carnival, partied a bit, saw fireworks and slept. The fireworks show was a hit...specially when it caught a dry patch of land on fire.
It eventually turned into this:
Fun right?
All in all, hit a few parties this weekend, spent some time with Saxon and friends, and chilled.
I started planning my birthday bash, got absolutely NO cleaning done, and made some BOMB diggety pumpkin chocolate chip cookies.
After realizing how much I hated TV, I also went for a walk. A stroll in the neighborhood will never compete with the beach, but it was nice to have the warm breeze on my legs.
Work is good, I get a small bonus this week and I'm planing some fun activities for a big wig that comes in mid-week. I'm also kicking off a few "Go Green" initiatives in hopes to make my work more eco-friendly.
All in all, still homesick, still craving new friends, and still drowning in debt. But I'm alive, tan, and breathing, so I can't really complain.
Shan
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Surv
Hi, my name is: Shannon Marie
But you can call me: Shans
Never in my life have I: had the chicken pox
Sometimes I: make monkey faces
I have this funny nickname, it's: Amazon
The one person who can drive me nuts is: Why? I might never know. But he's tall, curly haired, blue eyed...good kisser and stubborn.
My high school is: ill-preparing students for higher education.
When I’m nervous: I breathe deep, and if it's really really bad, I try to runaway.
The last song I listened to was: "Get out Alive" Social Burn
If I were to get married right now it would be to: You.
My hair is: An unruly, un-tameable, bi-polar, chocolate colored mess. And much to long.
When I was 4: I saw Dean for the last time until I graduated.
Last Christmas: I lived with an amazing roommate.
I should be: Cleaning. That's always the answer.
When I look down I see: Eagles on my blue blue sweater.
The happiest recent event was: My happiness stems from conversations to Mesa. Other then that, I'm a sad little girl right now.
If I were a character on ‘Friends’ : um. I'm going to google that one.
But you can call me: Shans
Never in my life have I: had the chicken pox
Sometimes I: make monkey faces
I have this funny nickname, it's: Amazon
The one person who can drive me nuts is: Why? I might never know. But he's tall, curly haired, blue eyed...good kisser and stubborn.
My high school is: ill-preparing students for higher education.
When I’m nervous: I breathe deep, and if it's really really bad, I try to runaway.
The last song I listened to was: "Get out Alive" Social Burn
If I were to get married right now it would be to: You.
My hair is: An unruly, un-tameable, bi-polar, chocolate colored mess. And much to long.
When I was 4: I saw Dean for the last time until I graduated.
Last Christmas: I lived with an amazing roommate.
I should be: Cleaning. That's always the answer.
When I look down I see: Eagles on my blue blue sweater.
The happiest recent event was: My happiness stems from conversations to Mesa. Other then that, I'm a sad little girl right now.
If I were a character on ‘Friends’ : um. I'm going to google that one.
It's a tie!
 | You are part Monica. You have a go-all-out nature. Your friends better watch out, because you play to win. Also, when it comes to order and cleanliness, you're a bit obsessive compulsive. Your best trait, however, is your thoughtfulness. You go to great lengths to care for your friends. |
 | You are part Chandler. You're funny and that's why people like to have you around. You're also a great friend, and when someone you care about is in trouble, they know to come to you for some level-headed advice followed by some sharp sarcasm. |
There ya go. I'd say accurate.
By this time next year: I will be happier.
My current gripe is: All that is petty.
I have a hard time understanding: Men, God's plan for me, Myself, Math.
There’s these girls: and they're girls.
If I won an award, the first person I would tell would be: My brother, and then Mesa.
I want to buy: freedom from financial debt.
I plan to visit: the Grand Canyon next week, though it probably won't work out.
If you spent the night at my house: you'd be at the wrong home; I don't have my own house.
The world could do without: High Fructose Corn Syrup
Most recent thing I’ve bought myself: Comida.
Most recent thing someone else bought me: Tyler, a movie ticket to see The Strangers
My middle name is: Marie
In the morning I: Sleepy and smiley...until I oversleep.
Last night I was: thankful for the great advice my best friend Mesa can give.
There’s this guy I know who: I love.
If I was an animal I’d be a: Mermaid
A better name for me would be: Shannon. That's who I am, no doubt,
Tomorrow I am: going to be in hysterics. I'm going to the Dentist.
Tonight I am: changing plans from watching a movie with Tyler & Austin, and sleeping instead
My birthday is: soon. July 19th
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
stupid
Again, I'm forcing myself to blog. I have tons to say but no general urge to let it out.
In all my self aware capacity, I've realized I'm ultimately unhappy right now. It's like I can hop out of my body and see myself not talking, not smiling, not caring, not moving...but my brain still functions enough to realize it...but not do anything about it.
I can't figure out why I'm not my cheery self. Why I'm not abiding by my "life moves on", "be thankful for your surroundings" type of thinking.
I'm still scarce in words.
I'm just going to use pictures.
Somewhere in me I'm ecstatic about:
He may be a comic book geek at heart...but he is now officially the Democratic Nominee...and this voter is happy.
I'm worried about.
This is what my days feel like:
I know I should continue to be abiding by this:
But instead I'm definitely stressing about:
and am unhappy about
and the
I'm going to bed. This is stupid.
In all my self aware capacity, I've realized I'm ultimately unhappy right now. It's like I can hop out of my body and see myself not talking, not smiling, not caring, not moving...but my brain still functions enough to realize it...but not do anything about it.
I can't figure out why I'm not my cheery self. Why I'm not abiding by my "life moves on", "be thankful for your surroundings" type of thinking.
I'm still scarce in words.
I'm just going to use pictures.
Somewhere in me I'm ecstatic about:
He may be a comic book geek at heart...but he is now officially the Democratic Nominee...and this voter is happy.I'm worried about.
This is what my days feel like:
I know I should continue to be abiding by this:
But instead I'm definitely stressing about:
and am unhappy about
and theI'm going to bed. This is stupid.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
blog
I feel like I NEED to blog, even if I have nothing to say. Everyday, I think about it, and never do it.
I always have something I want to say.
In fact, I've built up so much in my gut that instead of letting my fingers flow them gently out of my brain...as I would in my normal blog-nature....I would vomit them onto the keyboard.
Until someone pops my guts with proverbial needle, it's safe not to expect any emotion vomit...but I feel like it should be noted in my blog that it exists.
Right now I'm sitting outside on the cement steps of my house in Utah. The last time I blogged was in Oregon. Recently I came home, airfare paid via loving friends, and spent some quality time in the wild. I had actually planned on attending a few parties and definitely hitting up the clubs but ended up avoiding that scene all together. Instead, I spent time with the better half of my heart....my bestie Chris. I brought him home to the farm, the beach, the mountains and showed my cityboy best friend what world I grew up in. He embraced it, loved it and I couldn't have asked for a better person to share it with. I saw Moge a bit, but she was busy and we didn't get to spend the kind of time two life partners should normally get together. I saw a few old friends, snapped a picture here and there, but all in all... I spent alot of time alone.
Often I found myself driving to see someone and would become consumed in thought. Not necessarily a bad thing, but I was desperately in need of a time and place to sort it out. My brain was completely falling short of the amount of receptors it needed to fully process all the swirling; it was complete and total consumption. After driving with a mind cloud for a bit...I pulled down back road and drove straight to the riverside.
It was peaceful.
In fact, I would almost dare to describe it as perfect.
I blogged about it, the first attempt at expressing myself in a while, but my computer ate the document and it has since disappeared. It's a sad story. I blogged about something I've put away for a long time, my first memories in Tillamook and the house I spent them in. I don't remember allot of my child years, whether they be uninteresting, undesirable, or just unattainable...I rarely have a concise, vivid memory from being a kid. In Oregon, I went back to that house, or rather the land it was on as someone had burned it down. I sat in the grass, and breathed in some visuals I hadn't seen since first experiencing them. It was an experience I won't forget.
It was just one of the many places I sat and had time to think while in Oregon. I couldn't have asked for a better trip home.
Back to now. As said, here I sit, on the steps. I'm hungry, cold, wearing large yellow earrings and turquoise hoodie. I'm currently trying to decide whether I'm going to eat dinner. Interesting... aren't I?
Um, I think I'm going to vomit.
Oh Vomit.
I'm mad at myself, I think. I'm unsure really. I never really get upset with myself honestly. I know I always do things for one reason or another and that each thing I do...I was intended to experience. Does that make sense?
Even when I royally screw up, I may panic for a few moments, but then I remember life's effervescent ability to work itself out. I chill, and move on.
Yet right now, I'm consumed with some of the things I wish I hadn't done...almost contemplating regret...something I don't think I've ever questioned. I don't regret; I learn, I move on, I utilize what knowledge I can take away from any questionable situation and find a lesson in it. I'm always sure that my "mistakes" are just God's way of letting me make my own decisions; his way of letting me find lessons in difficult times so I can better prepare myself for later on in life. And though I'm sure this is just another drive down "Lesson Lane", I'm mad at myself for ever letting it happen in the first place. I'm not at ease with myself, content with the thought that I will just "work through it" and learn from, or in any way okay with what I have put myself in.
I'm sure of it, I'm genuinely angry at myself.
I'm not ready to go in to detail about the cause of all this, but I will just say one thing.
I'm not financially invincible and I can't live like I am anymore.
My stomach is so hungry at this point that it's making shifty eyes at my other organs...the cannibalistic type. I should probably go eat.
toodleloo.
Shannon
I always have something I want to say.
In fact, I've built up so much in my gut that instead of letting my fingers flow them gently out of my brain...as I would in my normal blog-nature....I would vomit them onto the keyboard.
Until someone pops my guts with proverbial needle, it's safe not to expect any emotion vomit...but I feel like it should be noted in my blog that it exists.
Right now I'm sitting outside on the cement steps of my house in Utah. The last time I blogged was in Oregon. Recently I came home, airfare paid via loving friends, and spent some quality time in the wild. I had actually planned on attending a few parties and definitely hitting up the clubs but ended up avoiding that scene all together. Instead, I spent time with the better half of my heart....my bestie Chris. I brought him home to the farm, the beach, the mountains and showed my cityboy best friend what world I grew up in. He embraced it, loved it and I couldn't have asked for a better person to share it with. I saw Moge a bit, but she was busy and we didn't get to spend the kind of time two life partners should normally get together. I saw a few old friends, snapped a picture here and there, but all in all... I spent alot of time alone.
Often I found myself driving to see someone and would become consumed in thought. Not necessarily a bad thing, but I was desperately in need of a time and place to sort it out. My brain was completely falling short of the amount of receptors it needed to fully process all the swirling; it was complete and total consumption. After driving with a mind cloud for a bit...I pulled down back road and drove straight to the riverside.
It was peaceful.
In fact, I would almost dare to describe it as perfect.
I blogged about it, the first attempt at expressing myself in a while, but my computer ate the document and it has since disappeared. It's a sad story. I blogged about something I've put away for a long time, my first memories in Tillamook and the house I spent them in. I don't remember allot of my child years, whether they be uninteresting, undesirable, or just unattainable...I rarely have a concise, vivid memory from being a kid. In Oregon, I went back to that house, or rather the land it was on as someone had burned it down. I sat in the grass, and breathed in some visuals I hadn't seen since first experiencing them. It was an experience I won't forget.
It was just one of the many places I sat and had time to think while in Oregon. I couldn't have asked for a better trip home.
Back to now. As said, here I sit, on the steps. I'm hungry, cold, wearing large yellow earrings and turquoise hoodie. I'm currently trying to decide whether I'm going to eat dinner. Interesting... aren't I?
Um, I think I'm going to vomit.
Oh Vomit.
I'm mad at myself, I think. I'm unsure really. I never really get upset with myself honestly. I know I always do things for one reason or another and that each thing I do...I was intended to experience. Does that make sense?
Even when I royally screw up, I may panic for a few moments, but then I remember life's effervescent ability to work itself out. I chill, and move on.
Yet right now, I'm consumed with some of the things I wish I hadn't done...almost contemplating regret...something I don't think I've ever questioned. I don't regret; I learn, I move on, I utilize what knowledge I can take away from any questionable situation and find a lesson in it. I'm always sure that my "mistakes" are just God's way of letting me make my own decisions; his way of letting me find lessons in difficult times so I can better prepare myself for later on in life. And though I'm sure this is just another drive down "Lesson Lane", I'm mad at myself for ever letting it happen in the first place. I'm not at ease with myself, content with the thought that I will just "work through it" and learn from, or in any way okay with what I have put myself in.
I'm sure of it, I'm genuinely angry at myself.
I'm not ready to go in to detail about the cause of all this, but I will just say one thing.
I'm not financially invincible and I can't live like I am anymore.
My stomach is so hungry at this point that it's making shifty eyes at my other organs...the cannibalistic type. I should probably go eat.
toodleloo.
Shannon
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