Fourteen Reasons Why I Might Say No

As I'm approaching one full year of ridiculous single-ness, I'm just about sick of being approached by what I delicately call..."Winners". Call me a snob, but I'm thinking about making a t-shirt or something. You know, one that says...

Fourteen Reasons Why I Might Say No.

1. If you’ve never had a real relationship, we probably won’t either.

2. I cannot, will not, be in any way interested in an absolute Stoner or Alcoholic. There is no excuse for daily pot smoking and I don’t care if it helps you relax. Do Yoga. And Medical? Not interested.

3. Accountability is a must. If you can’t show up/call or are notorious for something “coming up” or being forgetful…do a girl a favor and do the usual…forget it.

4. If your car does not get from your house to mine, or you don’t have one to even begin with…find a car salesmen…not a date. Chicks dig the rigs buddy…and dependability

5. Oh, and if you don’t have that house to come from? Or are mid-twenties and still living with parents…please…stay home. Mom might begin to worry anyway.

6. If for some reason your phone has been shut off, your credit cards maxed out, car’s been repossessed, or any other indication of continuous stupid financial decisions…you are probably not that responsible guy I’m looking for.

7. Don’t have a job? Don’t have a date.

8. If you can’t take care of your body, you really can’t take care of yourself. Please don’t ask me out if you are unsure of how to shave, not eat yourself to death, workout, or get a flippin hair cut. Check off Hygiene and Health before you ask someone out.

9. Engaging in a personable conversation with me is great. In fact, I love finding people who are as eager to talk about Oregon as I am. However, you don’t need to actually verbally ask an Oregonian if our “Pot” is as good as the rumors say it is.
Google it.

10. Don’t use pick up lines!
Waiter: “You have such beautiful eyes, do you get told that?”
Shannon: “Oh, uh, no. But thank you, that’s very sweet”

(Wait for it….)

Waiter: “Are those your eyes? Or are they contacts?”
Shannon: “Um, these are my own eyes…heh”
(Waiter walks off)

(Waiter come back with food)
Waiter: “Miss, I just have to tell you….they should make contacts outta those eyes”
Shannon: *awkward smile*

11. Serious Inquires Only. Please know, that if you are asking me out, have good intentions. Let’s face it, not everyone is going to be right for each other. But please, understand that my kisses are worth then some movie or date and are given at my discretion…not yours. Don’t jump my face and if you think you are going to “Get Some”…you’re funny…and delusional. Simply put, what needs you have are none of my concern.

12. On a more serious note, I am interested in having a future with someone, and having a family. And with that said, when that right person comes along, I’m fairly set in what morals & values will be part of that family. In that interest, Atheists, Satanists, Agnostics…those who don’t worship God…need not apply. We can be friends, but it simply won’t work in the long run. Also, as much as I love what Mormon friends and family I have, I don’t date Mormon’s.

13. Commenting on what I like to call “The Bathing Suit Areas” is raunchy, and keep in mind I wear a one-piece! Great smile maybe? You look nice? Sheesh, let’s have some creativity!

14. Don’t put the moves on me. I’m a forward girl, and most likely if I want you to touch me in any way…you’ll know. No touchie.

Geeze. I'm a snob, I know.

New profile song, friend's band.

Seeing Seether tomorrow night and not Saturday.

Mucho Love

Shannon