US Bank

Go Me!

My interview went pretty well! I cannot say I aced it as I walked out the door and suddenly thought of several other things that I wanted to say, but it definitely went well. I conveyed my passion for helping people with their financial matters and of course my faith in US Bank in doing so. She spoke to me about the lack of motivation the branch I'm applying for has and how they are in desperate need of a people person with the motivation to seek out customers and set impressive platform goals.

Which is pretty much....ME.

Ya know?

lol.

And I told her that, I'm her girl.

She has two other canidates to interview today, but want to hire by tomorrow to get the ball rolling. So. I will know by tomorrow. I'm a little worried honestly. I often get the job and I'm waiting to hear from another job with better benefits and a higher starting wage. I enjoy US Bank alot, and all the career opportunities within it, so I kinda want to stay with them so I can continue to move up the line. PSS ( the other place) has other job opportunities as well, but not in the high numbers and availability like USBank. It would also be nice to get job experience in another area in case I ever wan to leave the banking world. I'm supposed to have an interview with PSS soon, but I have to say yes or no to USBank tomorrow if I get the job.

Ugh.

Lately I haven't been waking up till about an hour ago and staying up really late so I feel like I have allot of time on my hands. Usually I end up spending money when this happens.

Shit.

Somebody tell me no.

I think I'm gunna go get my nails done.

peace easy.
SHan

hottdate

I'm doing good in the effort to continue to hate him. Everyone knows I hate to be upset with people, but I'm doing well.

lolI'm such a puss, I know.

SO the hott date.

It went well :).

Everyones been asking for the evaluation, so here goes.

Basic Info: He's tall with crazy curls, he drives a nice car, makes about $5000.00 a month ( he has an interesting job...I asked...it's rude, oh well) ,used to play college ball, owns his own business at the mere age of 22 employing 15 people, is a democrat, unsure about religion, loves lasagna and the color blue, no piercings or tattoos, likes all forms of music, and is a social smoker (obviously not cigs).

His personality was fun and he really bounced off mine well. I was in an obnoxiously outgoing mood last night, saying everything that came to mind and not thinking twice. He...found it really funny. Said I was very vibrant. I'm kind of a love me or hate me kinda girl when it comes to my energetic side, and he liked it, which was nice. We went bowling and he totally didn't make fun of the fact that I forgot my socks to go in my bowling shows even though I was reminded several times to bring them and he took me to go get some. He beat me by ten points or so, but I got a few strikes! We then drove to SLC in his cute, fast little car to go a snazzy little coffee shop were we talked till after midnight and then he took me home. No kisses and no hanky panky, I'm a good girl.

Looks wise? Basic: Tall, semi-muscular white boy. I'll be honest, I'm unsure there, how I feel about him in that area. My taste in men has changed alot of the past few years and I'm a really picky girl. He's a cutie, but is in need of a haircut and a shave. I was really rude and told him his hair was too long for me, and I felt bad for it later and sent him an apologetic txt and he just thought it was funny and said it was all in good fun. He's got the build of a football player and I have no idea of his style as he came straight from work and thats all I really checked out. Maybe if we go out again I'll have more news for my Oregon posse ;).

He's a fun guy, but I don't have a strong first opinion like I normally do. I usually can say exactly how I feel about someone right away, but I am leaving this one open because I really don't know. I'll probably end up uninterested and find a good friendship, but I shouldn't be so judgemental early on.We will just have to see.

In othernews, my flipping dog is driving me NUTS! He never quits barking and moving and I sware he's so tiny I may just kill him. But that would be a bad investment. Ugh. Somebody come pet sit.

I'm still loving my family. The are awesome. My little cousins (Tammy's kids) are becoming more like siblings as they often come to me for advice. I took Harley shopping yesterday...she is CUTE. I also went to Braxtons wrestling match today and he got pinned once and pinned the next match. I'm planning on going to all of them, he's a great kid to support.

Welp, I've been here to long.Peace

Good Riddance

Good Riddance.

You have done nothing but toy with me from day one and especially taken advantage of my patient friendship.

You were all smiles and then you lost it, said you weren't good enough and never would be, but still kept me around, kept me wondering, kept me pushing. We had alot in common and our chill time was fantastic...and we'd always leave each other smiling, talking about the next time we'd see each other.

And then you'd do a complete 180* and run away again, saying you weren't good enough to be around me, treat me like shit. But then you'd flip around again and be nice, the sweet boy I met, sometimes so quickly I didn't have long enough to decide how I felt . Invite me to games, Sunriver, be completely normal and then lose it all again. I guess treating someone with respect is just to much effort for you. You were nice enough to keep me wondering, keep me persistent in figuring you out.

And then tonight? Trying to categorize me as something I'm not? Attacking my choice of male friends (Don, Kellon)? Throwing rude statements at me?

You've done it before, and yet instead of telling you off, I just asked why. I extended my unconditional and patient friendship again only to have it stepped on. I asked Why Why Why are you doing this? And I get what was expected...lies and shit I don't deserve. And then you say it wasn't you? Yes. It was unwise to keep you around, letting you into a circle of the people I treat the best, I understand that, but I'm certainetly not stupid.

You are one big manipulator and you have had the upper hand this whole friendship (or whatever you call it). You conceed to being called a bad person, embrace it, and act on it...and I think that its disgusting and I don't want it around.

You can think what you want of me, but know I don't believe your lies. I'm not what you said I was tonight, and you know it.

You were right all along. You won't treat me good enough, not on a friendship level, not on any level.

Good Riddance

Coming Home?

Here I sit, at Beans & Brew again, trying to catch up on a bunch of stuff.

Their coffee is okay, but not as a good as what Moge makes. Miss ya Bitch.

So everyone keeps asking me if I am going to move back in a month or move back in a few months or a year or what not, and truth is, I really don't know. I like it here. Yah I will always bitch that it holds nothing to the beauty and feeling I get from Oregon, but I have something here that I have almost nothing of in Oregon....true family and true people who care about me.

I'm highly considering moving to Beaverton/Hillsboro for the Summer to work for Concept Entertainment at one of their clubs. Get a snazzy little apartment with Mesa or Moge (or all three to make it cheaper) and party and chillax for the Summer. I also have had this funny little idea in the back of my head for some time now to go to Bartending School. The starting wage is always bitchin and the tips are sweet and I'd get to work in my favorite environment...clubs! But who knows, I'm always changing my life direction. This is the first I've said anything to anyone about Bartending as I know my family will just shit all over that idea, but it's there, in my brain, and maybe I'll do it. I just think it will nice to always have that back up option, Bartending, when I need cash or a weekend job.

Hmmmm, Whatcha think?

Anyways, I'm gunna go shopping for my St. Patty's day dress.

Love ya'll.
Shan

2/14-2/16

It's been awhile aye? I've been without internet for some time now and probably will be off and on, but I'll be journaling as normal and posting it later. Heres some previous, it's really rough because I never spell checked it and wrote it all really quickly...but you get the idea.

2-14-2008

I’m a little upset that I am not in a wireless zone so I can do my blogging, but Microsoft word and a later publishing time will have to do.

Candis and I are currently stopped at a Dennys for some lunch. It’s a smokey restaurant and I’m not a fan but like I said it will have to do. We have done a lot of traveling! We’ve been on the road for about 5 hours now and we’ve had a lot of fun picture taking! I’m getting to see lots of Oregon that I didn’t know existed. Honestly, I thought all of Oregon was green until I saw what lies on this end of the I-84. It’s wonderful, just as beautiful as the green parts. All the rock formations and mountain, dams and desert lands…all of Oregon is so neat. I really can’t imagine myself settling in any other state, Oregon is too much to miss out on. We are about 1/3 of the way done with our roadtrip.

We’ve done a lot of talking most of the way. I’ve learned a lot more about her religion and we’ve begun talking a lot about my family. Honestly, I’m finding out I may be a bit more then just Indian and Irish, a lot more about our Hells Angels involvement, and some of the major parts of history we’ve been apart of. I can’t even explain how fascinating this is to me! My whole life, the only blood family I’ve had is my brother and my mom, and I never met my mom’s side of the family and I only got my dads when I graduated, so spending this time with Candis is invaluable to me.

Mmmmmm our food is here. I need substance to soak up all of this energy drink. Talk atcha later.!

2-15-2008

The roadtrip is obviously over. We had to leave a day earlier then I had originally planned due to plans my cousin had and the Idaho border closing because of the snow. It was a long trip, and I have a lot of memories, but I’m glad not to be in a car anymore. I’ve always said I love driving and I drove all 16 hours of the trip. It was originally supposed to be something like 13 but we had to do a lot of stopping for pictures, food, and gas. Throughout the trip I discovered Candis has the smallest bladder of anyone I know and rediscovered how much to many energy drinking will really hurt my stomach. Now I’ve never really driven out of state and I’ve decided I really don’t like Idaho. Quite frankely, it’s an ugly state, their roads SUCK, you can’t see any of the painted lines, off ramps and merging lanes are small and unnoticeable, and their drivers are bitches. The only thing I like about that state is it’s speed limit. I was sad to see the leaving Oregon sign but was quickly overjoyed that I could go 75 (was often doing 90 to 100) without getting pulled over. I’m known for riding peoples ass when they drive to slow and for once, someone was up on my car. One guy had the nerve to flash his brights at me while I was driving 90mph to pass me, and once he did I got on his ass and flashed him several times black. He flipped me off and pulled off going much faster then 100mph. I wonder if he’s aware of the NATIONAL law that revokes your license if your in the triple digit speeds? I also learned how much I hate public restrooms. I mean honestly, why do people deface restrooms? When is it ever romantic or even at the very least CREATIVE to write who you love on a stall? Or what about the condom machines? I commend people for using them, but if your trusting that kind of protection from a rusted out dusty machine at a truck stop…you shouldn’t be allowed to reproduce. I also hate the gas prices that go along with those nasty stations. But I will admit, Idaho has cool highway signs. All and all , Candis and I did a lot of talking, rocking out, making random pit stops, and defiantly have created enough inside jokes to last us awhile. I’ll let the pictures tell the rest of our journey.

Today was the first day spent with my family J. I woke up this morning to Candis pulling me outta bed to unpack. At the point, Aunt Tammy, Aunt Sherry, Candis and Hunter and I sat around for about 2 hours talking, laughing and being lazy. I absolutely LOVE Hunter. He is my 4 yr. old cousin and he is the sweetest boy! He loves me J. He cuddles with me and is a freakin crack up. He’s definetly going to make it easier being away from my nephews. We then proceeded to unload my car, and go to a yummy Mexican restaurant with the addition of my cousins Harley & Brooke. My chimi was yummy, but defently made with Kraft cheese. Call me a snob, I don’t care. From there, Aunt Tammy and I went around town and visited some US Banks I want to work for. I’d like to get an in-store Banker positions as it starts around $12.00 and would cross train me in two positions. After that driving, I’ve been home ever since, relaxing with the cousins and unpacking. Now it’s just me and Aunt Tammy at home and I’m in the downstairs still trying to unpack. I’m OVERWHELMED in my belongings everwhere. I’m thinking of finishing it up in the morning.

So how am I dealing with being away from Oregon? Well, it’s too soon to decide, but if there is anyone who loves Oregon, it’s me. I miss it’s beauty all ready. That and the normal street names, Utah is like all set up on grids and numbers…it’s odd. I do miss my friends and family. Honestly, growing up without a family makes you develop some very close friends and I do miss them. I’ll adapt, I just need to unpack my life and find some place to socialize, until then, I’ll bite my lip and pretend not to be lonely. I wish I had gotten more time to say goodbye to certain people and others I wish I had left on better terms with, but for the most past, I did all I could. I’m blessed to have family surrounding and supporting me and making this easier and I will get over it in my own time. I plan to fly home the same week Mesa is home so I can see him and everyone else at the same time. Anyways, I’m going to bed, I need to sleep more and get up and do lots of work.

2-16-2008

I am still without internet and yes, I am starting to feel cut off from the world. The world being Oregon. I’m still blogging with out posting via Microsoft Word and it just doesn’t feel right not to hit the publish button.

I just finished watching I Am Legend. It’s a really good movie; makes me weary of ever hearing about cures to major diseases, but all and all a good movie. It scared my dog at one point, but he faithfully watched the rest of the movie. He really never took his eyes off the screen. Tonight I went to a get-together with Aunt Tammy & Uncle Justin to the house of one of the football moms&dads. Apparently they do this every other weekend or so where one of the sets of parents from the football team all there kids played on, throws a party. Nobody really gets tanked, but theirs social drinking and lotsa sports talk. Lotsa team moms and coaches, one guy close to my age, not really my scene. I got everything moved in today and did a lot of basking by the TV, it’s been so long since I’ve had it it’s like all new to me.

Tomorrow Sharon ( My Grandma) is taking Tammy & I to Breakfast and I’m wondering if she’s going to try and sneak my dad along today for the visit. I know I should be forgiving and spending time, as God would want me to, but I’m just not sure if I’m ready to see him yet. His habits are unchanged so my willingness to let him in is unchanged as well.

This whole having no messenger thing is killing me. At college it was the best way to keep in contact with the people I love and I know they are getting sick of my constant texting. I’m going to have to find a place to get internet or when I figure out what job I want to work I’m going to offer to pay for internet service here. They have a dial-up connection as they do all their internet business while at work and the dial-up won’t configure to my computer. Besides, dial-up just won’t cut it with my webcam or photo blogging/uploading.

I know it’s soon to be planning this, but everyone knows I love to be in Portland to party on holidays so I’m coming home the week of St. Patty’s. Moge & Mesa and I are going go out again. It’s my sisters birthday and I haven’t seen her in a year or so…I’m thinking of paying her a visit as well.

I don’t plan on visiting my mother. She’s under the impression that I called her a cunt and it believing my sister-in-law over me, and until she decides to stop being so two-faced, she is none of my concern. I’m sick of her only caring when it looks good to do so and all the hell she has put me through for moving. When she crawls out of her selfish little hole she dug her self, I’ll pay my visit. Until then, I can’t take her constant drama and stress.

Hmmmm Whatelse. I’m still loving the family but ultimetley lonely. I need some friends to party and club with. I am kinda guy watching, as I’ve been fairly single since March-ish, but honestly I liked someone in Oregon, and I can’t have him. Until I can completely move on past that emotion of being unable to have him, I won’t fill that gap with someone else. I’ll be single, as always. Besides, rumour is in Oregon I’m off to amrry a Mormon and I wouldn’t want to go working on that one would I?

Hah. I’m sleepy. Noku & I are off to bed. Loves

Shan.

I'll blog for today later, I been at this coffee shop to long.

SHAN

hubblub

Holy Moley. I'm so tired, my senses are going all haywire, I'm shaking, smiling, and loving it. That's all I gotta say about that.
I have alot to say, and I was going to blog, but now I can't. Thanks alot.

Senses: Dead
Body: Tired

dsjksdnckjnsdjlfhwoehfjnskdnc

Late Night Fretting

And I forgot about anxiety.

Why does it have to come at midnight when I have to work at four in the morning?

Why did I ever say yes to working the AM shift?

Oh geeze. I feel like I'm a mess. You probably couldn't see it on my face, but this girl is fah-reaking.

I am at my dearest Aunties house in Bumpkinville living the couch life. There are two bedrooms next to the livingroom. One, is inhabited by the cousin who moved here from Southern Oregon to completely take advantage of my whole family. Every time she breathes I wanna shake some common sense and decency into her. Seiriously, it's just like in the movies, where you see the main character do something completely crazy ( like shaking the sense into someone) but then you realize they were just imagining it and it flashes back to them being normal. She is talking to her skeezy boyfriend about things I don't want to hear and I want to now shake myself...unconscious. The other bedroom is occupied by a cousin with a good heart. But, he has a friend (gender:female) over tonight and I can hear every word of their conversation. The theme? Well, they are freshman in high school and I need say no more. Honestly, they are being fairly "G" rated, but it is keeping me up. The volume must be turned down! No matter how many times I remind them that their conversation is at an exposure level of a loudspeaker in library...they continue to keep talking.

My aunt also has Boston Terriers...they don't sleep. And when they do? They snore. I really think I am going to go Dr. Jeckll & Mr. Hyde in a very short amount of time. I

Anyways, that is not the only thing keeping me up. I'm finally getting scared. I'm sleeping on a couch in the town I despise more then most any place, distracted and wide awake, and it leaves me time to only worry. I'm just, I dunno, overwhelmed. As it is, I hate this place, and most of the people in it, and I've planted myself here for the next week. But the worst part is, as much I hate this place, there are a few people in it who I love more then anything and I am terrified to leave them behind. I've always been a travelin' girl, a girl who makes decisions spur of the moment and lives them, regardless of the repercussions, and yet here I set, scared to move. Don't get me wrong, I love the way I live. In fact, as of lately, a few specific people have taken the responsibility of doubting me, dogging me, saying I will regret my decisions and that I should just stay in school.
[[[[And honestly, live your own life. I have more memories then you will ever be able to see out of the top of that cardboard box you've confined yourself to. Do me a favor, peak out the top, just a little, see what years you've passed by and what moments you've wasted and more importantly live what time you have left. Each age is a blessing and each one comes with moments and options we don't have granted to us as we get older and move into different responsibilities. LIVE. And leave me alone.]]]]

I understand your concern, but damn, I'm okay. I promise. I'm living for what makes me happy and I'm safe...so let me be.

So back to me being scared.

I'm not scared of my decision. I know it's a good one. I'm going to a place with a loving family, something I've always been shorthanded on, and I've pretty much got a job and I know I have a house, which is more then I would have here. For once, just once, I won't have to struggle for stability and hot damn if I fall on my face, this time, finally, someone is going to catch me. I can't even say how nice it is to think about not having to work for everything all by myself for once. I mean, I'll always be a hard worker, but this time I won't have to work three jobs to pay my rent/bills and go to school. It's refreshing.

So what am I scared of?

I guess I dunno.

I'm always scared of what opportunities I'll miss. Maybe thats why I make decisions so quickly regardless of even the known consequences, is so I can experience everything that comes my way. I'm stuck wondering what I missing out on here in Oregon, mainly, my relationships with people. There is a boy ( he obviously isn't going to change my decision to go to Utah) and I'll always wonder what would have happened if I had stayed. My mom is ill as always and I'm missing time spent with my brother and my amazing nephews. My best friend, who is surely the best I have ever had, is here, and not there, and I don't like thinking about that. It goes the same with some other dear friends.

I also look at school. Honestely, everyone who knows me, knows I hate it and it's honestly not important to me whatsoever. It's taken me two years to finally come to terms with it, but I am NOT happy with college. But every time I stray, I look back and wonder what I'm missing out on. At WOU, I got the college life I always wanted, and really, I liked it. I hated learning pointless things to apply to a $74,000 piece of paper ( my degree) that would never be applied in my practical life, but the college living... I loved it. I loved my RHA job, I loved the people, I loved the interactions, I loved the guys (I'll admit it), I even loved a few of my classes. But I still feel the same way about it being a scam. I want to teach kindergarten, and they do not need to know how to calculate acceleration or velocity, so why should I go through the tutoring, the homework, the costs/fees, the stress, the time spent to take that class?

Sometimes, a BIG part of me just wishes I was a normal girl with a normal mind.
One who instead of doing what she wants and living life her way, takes the route more traveled and gets her degree, regardless of whether she likes it or not. The one who sits at her desk, toughs it out, and gets that piece of paper, even if she did spend four years of her young life doing so. Someone who doesn't think it's a waste. Someone who does what they are told...why can't I just be a normal girl? I know I say I love my life, and I do, but sometimes I wonder what the other side looks like.



Enough of that.

And theres a bunch of other things stressing me out. My mom, is being a selfish, rotten, bitter, ragged....ugh there isn't enough synonyms for wretched out there to describe her. She doesn't understand the importance of me being with my dad/dad's family right now and she's blabbing on about how much "money" (that's a lie) she invested in a now college drop out who's going to Mormonville to work a dead end job.

And along with the unsupporting friends, there's though I'm not leaving on the best terms with. Everyone knows I am without the ability to stay upset with people I don't absolutely hate. If we were/are friends, and I don't hate you but we're fighting, I may put up one hell of an argument and fight, but most often I'll be the first one to wrap you in a hug and apologize. Not everyone is like me though and they like to drag it out, which breaks my heart. So if you're reading this, and you are not a completely selfish human being, come hug me, please. I don't like the direction things are going in/have been in and I would much rather have a bridge to walk on...not one burnt. It would mean allot to me before I leave for Utah.


I sware I'm not this emotional all the time. lol.

All and all I need to just buck up. I really am being selfish and I need to be thankful. I'm opening up a door to an opportunity I've never been given my whole life and I'm excited. Lately, even with the sad amounts of friends who bring me down, I've had just as many come to my rescue and some even come out of no where. One, who I was leaving not on the best of terms with, had a dream I died and called me apologizing for everything he ever did. I can still remember yelling at him one night telling him everything I despised about him and yet when he called, his sincerity was so true, it didn't matter. Tonight, he's texting me and putting smiles on my face when I'm stressed out. God works in funny ways.


Lately, I've just been overwhelmed by thoughts my brain is shoving out there before I leave.
Nothing is going to change my mind, I am going. In fact, I'm excited and I know I will be happy once I get settled. Right now, I'm just fretting...cause that's what I do... :).

Okay, I have to get up in 4 hours. Somebody tune in tomorrow.

Chris, if you're reading this, I can't wait to go clubbing with you tomorrow, I miss you so much! Thank you for flying here in part to see me before I leave to Utah, your friendship is priceless to me and your support has really been a rock for me lately. I love you BamBOO!

night all.
Shannon

p.s. Aunt Tammy, I am really excited to come, I promise :). I just had to get everything out ;).